Funny business in the sky
April Fools’ Day has arrived, giving James Wysong the opportunity to write about a topic that is near and dear to his heart: practical jokes. It seems his friends on the flight crew are all accomplished pranksters and for them the sky’s the limit. James gives you his 10 favorite in-flight shenanigans.
High expectations
Does the happy glow of pregnancy still glow when you fly on an airplane? Or does it fade at the first sight of cramped seats and crying children? Ask James Wysong’s wife. She’s an airplane pilot and she’s pregnant — again. As they wait impatiently for their newest arrival (due at the end of the month), James offers up this advice from a past column.
What a steal!
Air travel has plenty of problems these days (terrorism, bankruptcy — you name it), but maybe what you should be worrying about is theft. No, not the ticket price. Or the price of coffee at the airport. Or even those airline CEOs getting away with robbery every time they cash their paychecks. No, the thief James Wysong means is the one sitting next to you on the airplane. In this column, he reprises 10 tips from an earlier column.
Iguazu Falls or bust
Long layovers in exotic locations are one of the perks of working as a flight attendant. James Wysong has had some wonderful layovers in the course of his career, but perhaps none was as memorable as his trip to Iguazu Falls, on the border of Brazil and Argentina. A bureaucratic problem threatened to end the careers of James and two fellow crew members, until one of the ladies figured out what to do.
Is there a doctor on board?
You’re on board a flight and your chest suddenly gets tight. You can’t breathe, or you feel deathly ill. What do you do? Will the flight attendants refuse to administer oxygen? Is there a doctor on board? Will you still be alive upon landing? James Wysong offers some lifesaving advice.
Airplane Etiquette 101
Last week, James Wysong wrote a column about some of the annoying people you might encounter when you travel by air. More than a thousand people e-mailed him in response, and there was a common theme: Whatever happened to common courtesy? James gives a refresher course in airplane etiquette, explaining 12 of the unwritten rules.
Man, these people are annoying!
Frustrated and cranky on a recent flight delay at O’Hare Airport, James Wysong began cataloging some of the annoying people he encounters when he flies. There are the “stop-and-starters,” who hold up traffic in the terminal; the guy who’s surprised when his World War II hand grenade doesn’t make it through security; the ditz who arrives at the gate — shopping bags flying — just as the boarding door closes. The more he thought about it, the funnier it got. Now he shares his laughs with you.
The oldest club in the sky
Come Valentine’s Day, flight attendants on airplanes all over the world will encounter amorous couples trying to join the Mile-High Club. Under blankets, in the lavatory, even in the cockpit - wherever Cupid can get a clear shot. James Wysong tells some salacious stories.
Getting serious about rights in the airline industry
New York has enacted a ground-breaking “Passenger Bill of Rights,” a law that requires airlines to provide food, water, clean toilets and fresh air to airplane passengers stuck on the ground for more than three hours. Sounds like basic human rights, doesn’t it? James Wysong weighs in with some further suggestions.
Remedies for what ails you in the air
Is your airplane flight giving you a headache? Has that sandwich you wolfed down before boarding given you a bad case of collywobbles? Don’t ask the flight attendants for help. They won’t dispense any medications - even over-the-counter ones. James Wysong offers homegrown cures for 16 in-flight ailments. Is he a doctor? No, but he’s been a flight attendant for 20 years, and he’s got answers for everything from sneezing fits to stinky feet.