10 tips for surviving the red-eye
Ah, the “red-eye.” If it were such a great experience, don’t you think they would call it the “bright-eyed and bushy-tailedâ€? Well, they don’t, and there’s a reason for it: These all-night flights can be miserable.
In my humble opinion, human beings were never intended to sleep sitting up. Whenever I take a red-eye flight, my tailbone ends up hurting and my neck gets sore from the Dozing Head Bob. Of course, there’s little chance of sleep anyway. During the flight, announcements will be made, babies will cry and Murphy’s Law decrees that every cabin will have at least one hefty gentleman who has perfected the art of snoring.
If you do nod off, it will be just moments before the flight attendant turns on the overhead lights to prepare the airplane for landing. This is always a moment of keen embarrassment, because in the glare of the light you suddenly know with absolute certainty that you look just as bedraggled as everyone around you. To make matters worse, you probably have “death breath,†which you got from that small bag of barbequed cardboard sticks they handed out with the drinks four hours ago.
Bleary-eyed and sleep-deprived, you emerge from the aircraft crumpled and smelly. You have jet lag and you’re in a bad mood. No, I don’t think there is a “full day’s work†anywhere in your immediate future.
This is probably not the experience you had in mind when you booked your ticket (though, come to think of it, it is the same experience you had the last time you flew the red-eye). Does it always have to be like this? Not really. I’ve been working as a flight attendant for 17 years, and I’ve thought a lot about it. Here are my top 10 tips for a better late-night flight.
1. Go before you go. Wait until you are about to board and then use the restroom in the airport. Even if you think you don’t have to go, go anyway. The restroom is roomier and cleaner than the lavatory on the airplane, and there’s nothing worse than falling asleep on the red-eye only to wake up 15 minutes later with the urge. Odds are that when you return to your seat, sleep won’t.
2. Practice hydration moderation. It is always good to drink water before, during and after a flight, but don’t overdo it on a red-eye or you’ll be running to the lavatory every five seconds. Nothing says you can’t drink water toward the end or after your flight.
3. Plug it up. I have said it before and will keep on saying it: Bring your earplugs. Tuning out the announcements, babies, excessive talkers and especially the hefty snorers is a must for deep sleep.
4. Wear a mask. Bring a comfortable eye mask with you. It will keep you from being distracted during the flight, and when the flight attendant turns the bright lights on, you won’t feel like committing air rage.
5. Cushion the blow. Travel shops sell a small, blow-up cushion that fits under your posterior and comforts your tailbone. It looks like a whoopee cushion and it works likes a charm for me.
6. Position yourself. On a red-eye, the best seat is a window seat (unless you have a bladder problem, of course). You don’t have to worry about your seat mate waking you every time he gets up, and the window doubles as a headrest. Get to the airport early and request a window seat as soon as possible.
7. Do the can-can. When the flight attendant comes around for drink requests, ask for an unopened can of something you want to drink later. This way when you wake up wanting a drink in the middle of the flight, you can quench your thirst and go right back to sleep.
8. Be a pill. I can’t and don’t recommend taking heavy prescription sleep medications when you fly, but there are over-the-counter sleep aids that might help enough to make the difference.
9. Brace yourself. Stop the Dozing Head Bob with one of those horseshoe-shaped neck pillows. (Have you ever watched someone bobbing for hours? It looks pretty moronic, doesn’t it? Well, this is exactly how you look, too.) I’ve thrown my neck out one too many times to fly an all-nighter without one. If you think you’ll be given a pillow on board, think again. Airlines are tightening their belts, and pillows have become scarce.
10. Conquer death breath. There is nothing worse than yawning and almost passing out from your own breath, so put some powerful mints or a breath freshener in your pocket. Offer some to your seat neighbors, too.
You have to do what you have to do, and you have to fly when you must. You may say, “Never again!” after a red-eye flight, but chances are, you’ll be back. Just come a little better prepared next time, and think of me when you’re blinded by the overhead lights in the morning.