9 tips for dealing with a noisy traveler
No one likes a noisy traveler.
You know — the guy at the gate with the cell phone glued to his head, shouting details of his personal life, or the scene-maker on the airplane, or the couple trying to break an endurance record (if you know what I mean) in the hotel room next to you.
After 20 years of flying, I’ve encountered more than my fair share of obnoxious fellow travelers, and while dealing with these types can be frustrating, it can also be fun and rewarding. Come with me as we deal with the wonderful world of loudmouth travel.
Here are nine tips for dealing with that noisy neighbor.
1. No kidding. Children are wonderful. We were kids once, and many frequent flyers still act like babies. But after a misconnect, a long day, or just the hassles involved with air travel, the screams of young ones can put you right over the edge. The simple answer is earplugs. And when you know that your child’s behavior is less than stellar on airplanes, buy a jug of earplugs at the local pharmacy and offer them up as a precaution. You will most certainly get a positive response from your seat neighbors.
2. Cell block. There always seems to be that one person in the boarding area who must broadcast his personal affairs to all in the vicinity. This person is called a Christopher Columbus because the whole world seems to revolve around him. Instead of glaring at him or actually listening to his conversation in disgust, either confront the offender or simply get up and walk away. I remember one woman decided to give a man a taste of his own medicine and pretended to shout into her cell phone. “And there is this really annoying man making a very loud cell phone call who is disturbing everyone in the boarding area,” she said. Everyone applauded and the man eventually got the hint. Problem is that most of these people don’t realize how loud they are.
3. The no-tell motel. Love may be wonderful and in bloom, but not at 2 a.m. in the hotel room next to you when you have a 6 a.m. wake-up call. If you hear it for a few minutes it’s cute, after 15 minutes you grow weary, but 45 minutes you start seeing red. I know this is a bit unorthodox, but besides banging on the wall or calling the front desk, try howling like a wolf. A female flying partner told me about this, and believe it or not, it has worked every time.
4. Breath refresher. I have had someone with such bad breath speaking to me that it made me want to rip off my nose. Have those strong mints or chewing gum handy and offer them up. If they refuse, persist and say, “No, you really need it.” Same goes for you, if someone offers a mint several times, take it as a hint.
5. Tell someone. If you are on a plane, in a hotel, or wherever, try to kindly ask the loud offender to keep it down a little bit. Many times that alone will solve the problem, but if it doesn’t, call a flight attendant, hotel security, or someone in charge and plead your case.
6. Vengeance is mine. Okay, I am a nice guy but if I am in a hotel and have tried every avenue but still got a horrible night’s sleep, I am not above seeking a little revenge. Make sure you get their hotel room number and when they are finally sleeping, give them a few random calls. If nothing else, it will make you feel a bit better.
7. Life history. It’s good to meet people when you travel. But let’s be honest. There are just some times you don’t feel like talking, listening, or even pretending to listen. This is especially agonizing if there is a passenger next to you reciting his life history from age three. The most effective way of pre-empting such a scenario is to put on your earphones, even if you aren’t listening to anything. It sends a polite message that you have other priorities.
8. Be nosy. When there are extra loud seat neighbors nearby, try listening in and inappropriately commenting on their conversation. Or if you’re within eye shot of them try smiling at them intensely. You will feel a bit silly but after awhile they often grow uncomfortable and eventually stop.
9. Reality check. Be aware of the signs and check occasionally to see if you yourself are being one of those loud neighbors. Look for the glares, watch for people who quickly turn their heads when you talk, or see if you get those hotel phone calls or wolf cries; realize it is easier than you think to be the offender.
The following is a true story. My wife and I had been married for a short time, so we tried to fly on the same crew whenever we could. One trip we had a wonderfully long layover in New York. We took in the sights, ate and drank well, and had what we called a romantic layover date.
When it was time to go to the airport for our return trip, we all got on the bus and one effeminate male flight attendant seemed quite upset. “I hate that layover hotel and I never want to stay there again.” Now the layover hotel we stayed at in New York was actually quite good so I asked him why, and he replied, “Because the walls were so thin and some couple were bonking like rabbits all night long.”
Shocked but curious, I asked him what floor he was on and when he replied the 8th, my wife and I turned red as we instantly realized who that couple was.
Oops!
See, it can happen to anybody.
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5 Responses to “9 tips for dealing with a noisy traveler”
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Good article with some great tips, although a few I wouldn’t recommend, but would admittedly try, tending to be a practical joker at times myself.
Such as the wolf howling trick. Would love to try that! Though, I would have to think it may potentially disturb other guests, aside from the original offenders.
I used to work hotel security but was recently moved to become a bellman. We used to handle noise complaints very frequently. I think one of the biggest mistakes people make in reporting the noise is that they don’t often give enough information about where it’s coming from.
Also, the hotel itself I work at has a three-offense policy, starting from the first time the couple or noisemaker is warned, not from the first complaint. You would have to imagine that if you were the offender, you would prefer to have given ample warning to make an effort to keep it down too, instead of an officer just showing up and asking you to leave.
As it happens, people were never specific enough about the noise so the first notice to us would seemingly go unanswered, although we would always treat noise offenses with high priority and make way straight to the floor or area we were told.
I’d say the most common for us was always people either coming or going from their hotel room and letting the door slam or staying in the hallway to discuss briefly, but loudly what their plans were. By the time we’d arrive, they’ve already been on the elevator and left.
The other thing that baffled me was that we would get people who would wait 2 hours before notifying us about the noise. Ample time for them to be beyond upset about it when it wasn’t necessary. I would say 15-20 minutes would be enough for anybody to be disturbed by noise.
Given enough information about the noise source, we can, and do take care of it. Most of the time, I’m only told the floor number. (Could also be a front desk communication problem as well). I’ll walk the entire floor and stick around for five minutes or so to see if I can hear anything. I’ll even ask for the caller’s room number so I at least have an idea where the noise is, even if I don’t know exactly what the noise is. (That helps me too). If nothing else, I will try to visit the floor above and below as a precaution. If I can’t find it, I’ll assume the noise has stopped.
No, none of us like to be a tattle-tale (for lack of a better word), but I like to be useful to my guests and handle any problems they might have efficiently or effectively. Lack of information is probably the biggest thing that prevents me from doing so.
Robert
Your article gave me a good chuckle as well in addition to a bit of heartburn. Why is it that people traveling can be oblivious to others? I was a guest at an incredibly expensive resort and a group of us were having dinner with its General Manager. In the midst of the dinner, two couples ran down to the beach, stripped and started carrying-on.
Busboys went running with beach umbrellas in order to TRY to conceal the orgy (for lack of a better word). Living in France, I probably was less shocked than some of the others. But, I felt especially badly for the personnel since we were in a Islamic country.
When the men weren’t making “merry,” they were glued to their cell phones for all to hear. When people asked them to keep the volume down, their response was that it was “our problem.” The General Manager asked them to leave the following morning.
There are times when it would be nice if people could be asked to leave mid-flight. Guess that’s against FAA regulations.
I recall a time at the Coral Beach Club in Bermuda. It was my dad and his wife, my sis and her boyfriend, and my girlfriend and me. We had three of the rooms in a 4 room building on the beach and the 4th was a family with three “charming” kids.
We were all adults and these kids kept popping into our conversations and running over on our side–it is supposed to be private.
We spoke with the parents and they were not interested in what we had to say. Well when they put the “little darlings” to sleep, 4 of us went into the adjacent room and with Rum Swizzles in hand began to simulate wildly imaginative sex. Slapping, howling, whoops, moans, groans, fasters, harders, and a few well placed oh yeah babys.
Well after about ten minutes of our charade, a small army of bellmen appear and escort the family to their new digs–and we have a fantastic ten days!
One time I had a couple in the next room who went for a new record. When I left, I turned their door sign from “do not disturb” to “Please make up room early”
Last year my wifeand I were traveling through eastern Oregon and stopped at a modest but nice motel where we’d stayed before. This time, though, a group of contractors working on a highway project were living at the motel.
About 3 a.m. the conversation in the room next to ours got loud enough to wake us both. There were several guys who were well in their cups. They had apparently closed the local bar and then started working on a case of beer at the motel. One talked (loudly) about how he had been kicked out of a bar. His friend scolded him, “When you walk into a bar, you don’t just represent yourself; you represent the %&!#in’ Electrician’s Union!”
The conversation went on in this vein for 15 or 20 minutes. (You know a guy is drunk when he keeps repeating himself.) We had to try hard not to laugh out loud.
Surprisingly, when we checked out the next morning, there was only one empty long-neck on the ground outside, and no broken glass. I hope those guys enjoyed their hangover.
Of course we told management about the party. And we’ll stay there again if we pass through that town, but we’ll ask for a room away from the contractors.