Captain Tightwad’s cheap tricks
Pilots have a reputation for being cheap tightwads. That’s somewhat odd, considering their six-figure salaries. It’s merely a generalization, and I have to say that I fly with many pilots who don’t fit that description. But once in a while one comes who does: Captain Bob, or as his flying partners refer to him, “Captain Tightwad.â€Â
There was something different about this pilot, because he was proud to be cheap. He considered saving money as his greatest challenge, and loved to teach fellow crewmembers his tricks. I met him on a 24-hour layover in Seattle. The rest of the crew had plans, but he invited me out to a night in his favorite town for happy hours.
He guaranteed a night of drinks and food, and for little money. What
followed was an interesting and enjoyable look into the world of tightwad hill.
We started out with free fajitas and $1 margaritas, and then moved on to roast beef sandwiches and beer. We kept a tight schedule, so we could make the most of his favorite thrift spots.
We roamed from pubs to restaurants. Many patrons knew him by name and even bought him a couple of drinks on the house. We settled into the last place shortly before 8 p.m., since that’s the official death of all happy hours — until the late-night round begins.
It was my chance to ask him about his obsessive hobby. He explained the background behind the pilots’ reputation. As civilians, they start out their career by building flight hours that they keep in a log book. If you are a young flight student, you have probably spent a fortune on college, and the last thing you can afford is 2000 hours at $150 each.
So you improvise. You learn about happy hour. You jump at anything free. You flight instruct, and do odd jobs while you amass the needed flight time.
Even after getting hired by an airline, the thriftiness is hard to shake. Captain Tightwad knows he has plenty of money and doesn’t need to be this way anymore, but it is the principle and the challenge of it all that keeps him going.
He went on to tell me that he was quite proud that he fixed up his ex-wife with a fellow pilot in order to rid himself of alimony payments. He has a van in the employee parking lot that he uses as a free hotel should he get stuck between flights, and he jokes that he is so cheap, his favorite cheer at a football game is “get that quarterback.â€Â
We returned from a night of drinking, eating, and fun conversation. Total tab: less than $12.
I don’t know if I condone his moneysaving obsession, but I can understand his mindset, especially now that airline salaries are being cut.
Here are 10 lessons learned from Captain Tightwad:
1. Don’t buy bottled water at the hotel for their astronomical prices.
Instead, go to the hotel gym and fill up an empty container. It is usually bottled water and free.
2. Everywhere you go, ask for an airline discount, even if you don’t work for an airline. One of his proudest moments was when he got 20 percent off for his daughter’s wedding.
3. Join any party taking place in the hotel bar for free drinks and
appetizers, but don’t join the sit-down dinner as they usually have assigned seating.
4. Canned soup from home can be cooked in the coffee maker in your hotel room.
5. When ordering a mixed drink, never ask for the brand by name, as they will usually charge you double, even if they were going to use that specific brand anyway. If you are drinking wine then order the house wine. It is usually pretty good and quite a bit cheaper.
6. A universal remote control can be used on most hotel televisions to get you free pay-per-view movies.
7. When ordering room service, ask where you can pick it up because there is usually a 25 percent delivery charge, a 15 percent gratuity fee, and the person bringing the tray acts as if he is expecting an additional tip. The restaurant normally has a place that you can pick up orders.
8. Always ask for a “to go container,†especially at buffets. If there are no buffets, then fill up on bread and take the entrée back to your room for later.
9. Hot dogs brought from home can be covered in tin-foil and cooked on the hotel room’s iron.
10. Don’t be too cheap in front of your spouse. Lawyer bills and alimony payments are never inexpensive, although he did get a 20 percent airline discount off his lawyer fees.
To be honest, I sometimes like the luxury of room service delivery, and I am sure that one day I had the same room after Captain Bob and smelled like a hot dog for the whole flight after ironing my uniform shirt.
He is way over the top, but it works for him and he enjoys his hobby. I believe moderation is the key, even in being cheap. I am sure you have a cheap travel trick or two that you have discovered along the way. Send them to me and I will publish them in a future column.
There is a prize — albeit a cheap prize — for the top two tricks.