As a flight attendant, delays have become second nature to me. It’s like peanut butter and jelly, cookies and milk, beer and chips — only not as enjoyable.
Many air travelers are shocked when they arrive on time, and if you are lucky enough to be early, notice how quickly the pilot announces that fact.
If O’Hare and LaGuardia airport are among the worst for delays, what do you think the flight track record looks like flying from one to the other? One airline has a certain flight that has an on-time arrival rate of only 11 percent.
Shouldn’t airlines be forced to change their published times after six months of such nonsense? And the longest flight delay that I have ever heard of was a Braniff flight out of London that supposedly was delayed for an unbelievable 68 hours.
Every once in a while, a hold-up occurs because of such unusual reasons that I just have to write about it. Think delays are no laughing matter? Tell me that after you read these excuses.
1. Lawnchair Larry. In 1982, a man attached helium filled balloons to a lawn chair and accidentally floated over LAX airspace at 16000 feet. A Pan Am pilot preparing to land was the first to call about the spectacle. All flights and traffic ground to a halt while authorities dealt with the situation. Sound like an urban myth? Yes, but it’s true.
2. Trim the wait. Speaking of LAX, there is a widely disputed story that involves former President Clinton getting a haircut on Air Force One at Los Angeles International Airport on May 18th, 1993 that backed up air traffic in and out of the airport for two hours. The uproar it caused required damage control, but haircut or not, anytime Air Force One arrives at a civilian airport there will be delays.
3. Stuck in San Juan. Our flight was delayed landing in Puerto Rico for over two hours due to Iguanas on the runway. I thought they were joking at first, considering the size of an airplane compared to that of a lizard. Apparently, they grow them bigger down there and they can cause havoc on smooth landings.
4. Nuts! A mother whose daughter was terribly allergic to nuts demanded that a passenger whom she saw eating a bag of trail mix during boarding be off-loaded. An argument ensued and the passenger ended up throwing the trail mix at her. The authorities became involved as she claimed the nuts hit her daughter and that was grounds for assault with a deadly weapon. Needless to say, a long delay resulted.
5. De-bugging the cabin. An airplane that had come in from Mexico City was off-loaded and sat at the gate for a few hours. When the flight crew boarded for the next flight, the pilots turned on the air and thousands of fire ants were blown through the air vents. They apparently crawled from the cargo hold into the ventilation system. The cleaners were called and when they refused to clean it up, exterminators were summoned. Five hours later, they were cautiously on their way. I have heard instances of cockroaches, ticks, lice, and a great story about a rat. As of yet, nothing about snakes on planes.
6. Plugged up. A passenger freaked out as the plane was taxiing out to the runway because an earplug became lodged so far up his ear that he could not retrieve it. He was frightened that the air pressure would cause it to lodge even farther possibly causing permanent damage. The cockpit was alerted and after a 90 minute delay, the captain himself got out his personal tweezers and performed a successful removal procedure.
7. Gender specific. I was once pulled off of a Germany flight to work on the more senior Tel Aviv flight, when a group of passengers demanded a male flight attendant in accordance with their religious beliefs. I was happy to go, but the other female flight attendants were not as happy with the situation.
8. Chicken or beef. A captain who was fed up with his airline decided to make a stand and declared that he would not depart until his special meal arrived. Two and a half hours later a catering representative finally brought his meal and the flight finally departed. He has since retired, much to the chagrin of his wife, I am sure.
9. Erupting delay. I have encountered previous delays due to natural disasters like earthquakes, blizzards, tornadoes, and even hurricanes, but have you ever heard of a delay due to a volcano? Mount St. Helens erupted and delayed all flights in and out of the Northwest. It would have been interesting if we were eventually able to fly by and see the display, but no such luck. All we got was a three-hour delay and CNN coverage.
10. Lucky delay. Leaving Las Vegas, a passenger won over $350,000 on a slot machine waiting for his flight. Understandably, he forgot about his flight and refused to leave the machine until his win was confirmed. Since he had checked bags, the airline had to search and remove his luggage. Somehow I don’t think he was too concerned about his luggage.
11. Haunting delay. I have heard of creeping delays but never a haunted one. An airplane that had previously been in an incident involving multiple fatalities when a cargo door ripped off in flight, was considered haunted by many crewmembers. Years later, the captain did his routine briefing with the flight attendants and wisecracked that the airplane they were on was indeed the same refurbished aircraft. Two very superstitious crewmembers immediately called in sick, delaying the flight until replacements were found.
12. Mother’s milk. A female captain who was forced to return to work too early after giving birth routinely delayed her flights in order to pump for breast milk. She had no problem announcing the reason for the delay, citing it as safety related and her company wisely refrained from making an issue of it. Having a pilot wife who recently gave birth to our second son, I will refrain from commenting as well.
Those are my wildest stories. Do you have any others? Send them to me — and don’t delay.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m sick of the “stop the world for my peanut-allergy kid” parents. Some of these uhh…nuts are not demanding that schools ban students from bringing PB&J to school.
Nut allergies have been around forever and as a sufferer of them, I just travel smart. I bring my epi-pens and if someone opens peanuts nearby, I alert them to my allergy. I have always have people just smile and put the nuts away. I usually buy them a drink for being understanding.
These parents need to teach their kids how to DEAL with their allergy rather than trying to force everyone to stop eating nuts.
About the captain who delayed the flight until his special got there must have happened before we became a litigation happy society.
And how interesting would it have been to fly over Mt St Helens and have the engine fail because of volcano dust and ash?
I recently had a gate change in DFW due to a bee infestation in the jetway. We were only delayed a bit, but that was a new one.
Or how about Sunday night, when we boarded late and then had to wait for the lavatories to be emptied. Eeewww.
My wife and I years ago were flying out of Reno and aftergoing through security, and waiting for our flight, a quintessential blonde(and that’s all I am going to say) was telling the gentleman with her she did not how to run a slot machine there at the gates and put in $5 dollars and won $25K
I was on a flight that had to return to the gate because a passenger wouldn’t control her Yorkie and let it run loose on the plane. She was escorted off by armed guards.
Flights in Phoenix are routinely delayed because it is too hot.
I was on a flight to Memphis once that was delayed. After we boarded the pilot announced that we had to await another crew because he “had to go take a nap.”
What you call erupting delays are quite common in Sicily, the Italian island. The Etna vulcano is very much active and both Palermo and Catania airport can be affected by the fumes it springs out from time to time. They are very dark and dense fumes, and no airplane would ever fly through it.
I’m pretty certain it can be the same in many other countries were active vulcanos are present.
just one question. to space the paragraphs 1 line ? easier to read: your (the) newsletters are enlighting and amusing. always read through and wait for the next one. valorie-valyes-ka p/s (if not, still ok)
The vehicle that tows the plane away from the gate broke down right behind our plane, and we had to wait an hour for a tow truck to come and tow it away.
Another time, one inch of snow caused a considerable delay of all flights out of Westchester County airport. Because the county owns the facility, it is the county that has to clean and certify the runways. There were a lot of missed connections that day.
One faulty seat belt was responsible for a lengthy delay in Minneapolis. We sat on the tarmac while various workers entered through the back to assess the situation, decide on a plan of action, and then replace the belt. The temp outside was near zero and we joked that the mechanics just needed a place to warm up. Our plane, which had already been deiced, had to be deiced again.