Kids on a plane.
No four words incite more acrimonious debate among air travelers. Not “your flight is delayed.” Not “here’s a new fee.” Not even “snakes on a plane.”
On one side, you have childless customers who just want a little civility while they’re locked inside a pressurized aluminum tube. And on the other, parents who believe airlines should accommodate anyone, anytime — particularly their beloved offspring.
Talk about oil and water. Or maybe, nitroglycerin.
Children and planes can be a combustible mix. Consider:
Ask your irritating child to smile
Two hours into her recent JetBlue flight from New York to Las Vegas, Marilyn Parver watched as a loud child that had been annoying other passengers nonstop since takeoff finally made one of them snap. She videotaped the ensuing fight, and oddly, was threatened with arrest after refusing to delete the footage.
Bloody Mary!
When Tamera Jo Freeman’s kids began to argue about a window shade on a Frontier Airlines flight and spilled a Bloody Mary into her lap, she spanked her offspring, which provoked a confrontation with a flight attendant. Freeman threw a can of tomato juice on the floor, and was arrested and convicted of a federal felony defined as an act of terrorism under the Patriot Act.
Bye bye, plane
Kate Penland’s toddler son wouldn’t stop repeating the words “bye, bye plane” as a Continental Express flight from Atlanta to Oklahoma City taxied down the runway. A flight attendant suggested that Penland administer baby Benadryl, a medication that’s often used to sedate overactive kids. When Penland refused, the flight turned around and both passengers were kicked off the plane.
Hey little girl, want some Xanax?
Who can forget the case of Daniel Reed Cunningham, the Northwest Airlines flight attendant charged with spiking a 19-month-old girl’s apple juice with Xanax, a prescription depressant?
Question is, what to do about the littlest air travelers?
A decade ago, the last time I wrote about this issue, my sympathies were with solo passengers who wanted to ban babies on board. But now I have three kids — ages 6, 4 and 2 —and I’m leaning to the parents’ side.
Kinda.
Here are five ways we might approach the kids-on-a-planes problem — and what you can do to become part of the solution:
1. Kids’-only sections
“I would gladly pay an extra $20 each way to avoid the noise and headaches,” says Randy Gillespie, a travel agent from Collingswood, N.J., adding that such an option should be built into the fare rather than offered an optional add-on. Kids’-only sections have been tried on an informal basis in the past, but never quite caught on. Families couldn’t be forced into one section of a plane any more than kids could be excluded from, say, first class. But you can still find your own “kid free” section on a plane. On domestic flights, children may not sit in exit rows, and they’re unlikely to make an appearance in business- and first-class sections, where seats are super-expensive.
2. Ban ’em
“I don’t know whether it would be practical to have child-free flights,” says Bill Armstrong, an information technology consultant from Calgary. “But certainly, I am on the list of people who would pay a little extra for that.” Armstrong recently endured a nine-hour flight with a child that “had developed a uniquely annoying scream” that didn’t stop and could be heard even while Armstrong wore headphones. But is getting rid of all children a viable solution? Probably not. That’s not to say crewmembers shouldn’t be more vigilant about looking for potentially disruptive kids during boarding and warning their parents that outbursts and other forms of unapproved behavior won’t be tolerated. If you suspect you’ll have a problem with an unruly child sitting next to you — and this is especially true if it’s your own child — then speak up before the cabin doors close. A crewmember might be able to move you to a different section. Or a different flight.
3. No, get rid of the adults!
In fairness, I can’t raise the issue of banning kids without handing the mic to angry parents who think annoying adults should be banned, too. So here it goes. “Are there really more disruptive kids on planes than obnoxious adults?” asks Hayley Schultz, who travels with her three kids, ages 5, 7, and 9, and notes that they sit in their seats, read books and watch TV without incident. Good point. If you want to see annoying adults, just take a red-eye flight from Las Vegas, where half the unlucky passengers are trying to drown their sorrows one mini-bottle of cheap whiskey at a time. Or board a wintertime flight from any New York airport to Palm Beach, Fla., a route known for its preponderance of irritating passengers. Schultz represented some of the more levelheaded comments I’ve received from parents who thought this whole debate shouldn’t be happening at all. Point taken — but not enough to end the discussion.
4. Encourage responsible parenting
Many in-flight altercations are a result of negligent parenting, to hear some passengers talk about it. Mauranna Sherman, an administrative assistant from Forest, Va., was recently kicked repeatedly by a five-year-old on a flight from Charlotte to Albany, N.Y. When she turned around, the boy’s mother just shrugged. “Mom had no bag of toys or books or techie stuff” to distract her son, she remembered. Airlines bear some responsibility in helping adults prepare for a flight with their offspring, and their Web sites could do a far better job of telling new parents what to expect on a flight. But ultimately, of course, it’s parents’ job to make sure they’ve packed enough food and entertainment for the flight. I’ve heard of childless passengers packing their own snacks, toys and games to deal with stressed-out kids they might encounter on a flight. That’s not a bad idea.
5. Pass new seatbelt laws
“I would like to see kids more secure during flight,” says Nancy Hatten, a flight attendant who lives in Farmington Minn. “Parents of children under two should be required to purchase a passenger seat for the child and then keep them buckled in a child car seat during flight.” That would require parents to buy a seat for their kids, which they currently don’t. But it would almost certainly make air travel safer and saner for everyone else. Toddlers strapped in a car seat usually come to terms with their circumstances quickly and know that a stroll down the aisle to visit the pilot is not possible. Airlines can make it easier for parents to buy an extra seat by offering a discount and providing parents with special seats or child-friendly seatbelts, the same way car rental companies do.
Even though I have three children, I still can’t quite bring myself to siding with many parents, who seem to feel as if their kids should be able to fly anywhere, anytime and behave in any way they want to. (They’re kids, after all!)
My offspring are capable of some of the most annoying behavior ever. After all, I’m their father. So when a flight attendant tells me my kids are out of line, I’m the first to agree. I wouldn’t dream of seating my children in business- or first class even if I could afford it. That’s a topic for another column, though.
But ban kids outright? I used to like the idea, at least in theory, but now see eye-to-eye with readers like Lisa Hirsch, a Los Angeles-based entertainment journalist.
“What are parents with small children supposed to do?” she asked me. “Never travel?”
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
A commercial flight is a public environment, just like the movie theater, a restaurant, a bus, train or subway. Unfortunately, once the door is closed that environment can involve crying babies, restless children, snoring adults, loud conservations, over-perfumed women, smelly men, the tween who’s playing their music loud, barking dogs or flight attendants who talk too loud in the galley.
Children’s behavior? Over the years, my observations have been that it doesnt fall too far from the tree. Children learn behavior from their “parents”. I see small children who are well behaved, well dressed and say thank you and please. On the other hand, I’ve seen children who fight with each other, physically hit each other in public (on the plane) and the parents are numb to it.
During the 90′s, when passengers felt comfortable to scream at agents, throw fits at the airport or worse, throw things at airline employees, I often thought a generation of children were watching this behavior and as they grew up, they too, would consider this normal behavior. In fact, I’ve been yelled at by passengers saying, “Do something about that crying baby!!!” Alot of flight attendants have tricks of the trade, but in reality, a crying baby decides when they want to stop. Small children? I coax them with cookies. I used to carry ISpy books with me.
I think alot of parents use (should use) the boarding area to let them run off the energy. We tend to forget those cramped seats are even hard for a child’s comfort and it’s hard for them to sit still for hours.
In reality, this is the mass transportation of our generation. It’s cheap and for the airlines to make money (someday) most flights will be FULL, FULL, FULL. It’s not a private jet, other people exist. Everyone needs alot of patience.
Chris–
#4 above hit me really strongly on a flight back to the US from Frankfurt, Germany about 2 years ago. I had the A-B seats to myself on a Delta 767, and a mid-30s man came had the C-D-E bulkhead seats with his baby. Even before takeoff, he proceeded to recline his seat, put his eyemask and headphones on, and was asleep before we got off the ground–even with his baby crying just a few feet away. The flight attendants woke him repeatedly to take care of the child, but he kept going back to sleep. That flight was met on the ground (in Atlanta) by City of Atlanta police and by CBP to take him off the plane personally before everyone else. I don’t know what happened to him, but he was definitely irresponsible.
I agree with this first comment. Travelling with children can be an unfortunate experience, but it is what it is. While I wish parents would be more responsible for their kids, I can’t control what they do, so I do my best to control my experience on the flight. I am usually drugged up from dramamine and can fall asleep fast, but on other occasions, I make sure I have my noise-cancelling headphones, carry small snacks or even a coloring book or two, and have resorted to bribing a kid with $10 to stop running up and down the aisle. I hate that I have to be the parent because the actual parent won’t do it, but it will be worse if I just let it fester and have a horrible flight and transition out of the airport.
According to an affidavit, witnesses told investigators that Freeman had been using profane language and hitting her children — ages 2 and 4 — to the point they were crying and trying to hide in a corner on the floor.
This is a quote from the article linked from the “bloody mary” headline.
She wasn’t (according to the article) just spanking her kids on the rear.
She was slapping them (as the article later states) and being verbally abusive
to the flight attendent as well. Please. If you’re going to present these cases,
do so in an ACCURATE light. Thank you!
As the mother of 4 now-grown children (who were normal, loud, and occasionally obnoxious), I’ve made one observation over the years–and it’s not a new observation but one I’ve noted since my kids were small: An awful lot of parents don’t have anything with which to occupy their children during flights. Most kids are amused easily. To this day, I carry 90-cent packs of kid’s card games (Old Maid, Go Fish, etc.) in my carryon luggage and a box of 8 crayons and paper.
I actually have this junk for my grandnieces but have no qualms about giving it to children on planes, because it doesn’t really cost anything and not to give it out will cost me my sanity. I don’t care if a 2-year-old chews on the cards or if an 8-year-old plays gin rummy–they are occupied.
I’ve been flying with my son pretty regularly since he was 3 months old. He’s now 2 1/2. I’d like to just give a shout out to all the people who are tolerant and kind when my kid is having a bad day. I do my best and bring bag loads of toys and distractions and treats, but sometimes nothing works. I’d like to thank the man I sat next to when my son was about 13 months old — the poor guy got kicked about 10 times when my son just couldn’t/wouldn’t sit still. I apologized profusely, and even tried to buy him a drink, but he just smiled and said “it’s OK.” By the end of the flight, he was entertaining my son with tickles and funny faces. What a saint! Then there was the flight attendant who whisked away a stinky diaper for me before takeoff so it wouldn’t stink up the whole cabin for the entire flight — she didn’t give it a second thought. I think, more often than not, people are helpful and tolerant, even if they are screaming “get me away from this awful kid!” in their heads.
@natalie: IMHO, That’s great. I think most people are fairly tolerant. You were also dealing with someone under the age of toddler, still a baby really.
I think the issues most people have are with toddler and above age children, who are old enough to act out, but also old enough to be able to be disciplined by their parents, but are not. It is in these situations when parents have an obligation to step in.
You know the old saying it takes a village to raise a child? Well I think that making plane trips with kids bearable for everyone works best as a team effort too.
Parents:
Parents have to be prepared. They need to have a plan of how they will deal with situations on the plane, they need to pack things for the kids to do and they need to be prepared for the fact that their attention is required. Yes, they are responsible for their kids behaviour. Being on a plane with kids means being on duty. Part of the job of parenting is also preparing the kids for the trip. We bought the “Shae by Air” DVD to prepare our toddler for flying on a plane. We read books about flying. We discuss with the kids what is going to happen before we get on the plane. And we get them involved in deciding what to bring on the flight.
Airlines:
Airlines sometimes don’t do themselves any favours. We always bought seats for our kids but our experiences of flying with car seats for our toddlers was met with antagonism by the airlines. On every occasion we were made to check them in.
Parents also have to comply with the strict regulations for carry on. While on the one hand airlines are clamping down on extra luggage and slapping on fees for checked bags, they are also cutting down on things like kids activity packs. Is the saving for Airlines really worth it? Surely airlines could get a little more creative and recoup some of that costs through advertising and sponsorship in the activity packs?
I appreciate that space on an airplane is at a premium but even a few extra things that could be tucked away for kids to play with would make a huge difference. I’m thinking of things like puppets or finger puppets, maybe board games or books. Things that kids could borrow and return in much the same way that adults get to borrow magazines. I know airlines don’t make money off the economy class but perhaps taking the view that a pleasant flight for everyone is better for business all round.
Airports:
Our local and extremely large airport completely ignores the fact that kids are passengers too. I hope you are never on a delayed flight from our airport with kids, because there is nothing, absolutely nothing for kids to do. Also having a family friendly policy when dealing with queues for customs and security would go a long way in taking a lot of the stress out of flying. It is not any parents fault that a two year old does not understand an extremely long and boring queue, that is the nature of two year olds.
Flight Attendants:
Encountering flight attendants like Frank is a total God send. I know it’s a hard and thankless task being a flight attendant but um, so is parenting. I am eternally grateful to the wonderful flight attendants we have met who were prepared to go above and beyond the call of duty. We’ve even had attendants walk the kids around the plane and take them down to the galley and show the kids the cupboards! Seriously, the kids were fascinated and it gave us some breathing space. I always write and tell the airline what flight we were on when we have had great service like this. And they are the airlines we rebook with. We don’t expect this kind of service but we really, really, really, appreciate it.
Other Passengers:
I don’t go onto a plane expecting other passengers to entertain my kids but I am extremely grateful to all the people who take the time and make the effort to be kind to them. It doesn’t have to take much, a smile, a question about where we are going and what they are looking forward to. Little pleasantries make a big difference.
I once had a plane trip with my small daughter where both of us had been sick the week before. We got on the plane and five minutes into the flight she was asking if we were there yet. Even thought we were flying at her normal nap time, she didn’t sleep. I was extremely anxious that she was going to be bothering the passengers around us. At the end of the flight however, several of the people who were next to us commented on how good she had been! I was so relieved and it really made all the effort worthwhile. It doesn’t take much to encourage parents who are trying to do a good job and some positive reinforcement for those kids who have behaved themselves (Young man, you were a very good passenger! I hope you keep behaving so well for your Mother, keep up the good work etc).
perhaps time to revive hooters airlines?
Have an unruly tot sitting next to you? Learn origami! I was once fortunate enough to have a small child screaming in my ear, and the mother unwilling to do much about it. In desperation, I tore several pages out of the in-flight magazine. A few minutes later, I had churned out an entire flock of cranes. Voila! It kept the kid entertained and quiet for the rest of the flight.
On June 16th, 2009 at 11:26 pm Miss Maccy said
Flight Attendants:
Encountering flight attendants like Frank is a total God send. I know it’s a hard and thankless task being a flight attendant but um, so is parenting.
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Touche’. Awesome post. And, thank you for the compliment. Children are my favorite passengers. I enjoy their innocence and joy of aviation.
Some parents just don’t think. One of the worst flights I was on was in the pre liquids ban days of 2005. I was flying home to New York from Fort Lauderdale and was seated behind a woman and her eight year old daughter (I’m guessing about the age). The child was drinking Gatorade. I can’t think of a worse drink to give a child before or during a flight, unless it’s Jolt cola. It’s all sugar and caffeine, just the thing to keep the eight year old on a sugar high for the entire flight. The child spent the entire four hour flight kicking the seat in front of her, I thought the guy occupying that seat was going to lose it. The mother didn’t give a damn.
Parents need to start thinking about their child’s nutrition a good twenty-four hours before the flight and need to make sure that their child has exactly the right blood sugar level to ensure that they don’t get hyper or hypo glycemic, because both conditions cause bad behavior. Water or fruit juice, and food that has had as little factory processing as possible are the best solutions. Unfortunately, every other kid seems to be allergic to peanuts these days otherwise i’d recommend packing a bunch of PBJs and some fruit boxes, but ham and cheese sandwiches, dried fruit and water (bought airside, or a bottle filled from a water fountain airside) should be fine. Please refrain from feeding your child “snack foods,” candy, soda, or sports drinks in the hours leading up to a flight.
About the Gatorade, actually Gatorade has no caffeine. And has about half the sugar of the same amount of fruit juice. So actually, Gatorade is better than juice or soft drinks.
I tend to buy kids’ meals when I have fast food, because the portions fit my food plan. However, I save the toys and tuck two or three in my carry-on when I travel – not for me to play with, but in case I’m sitting next to a semi-restless child. They love getting a new toy to play with.
I stand corrected. I guess she was just an obnoxious brat then. Makes the mother worse.
Still, I would avoid loading up children with sucrose and artificial colors and flavors before confining them in an aluminum tube with dozens or hundreds of other people.
Flying is only appropriate for those children who can remain relatively still and quiet for the duration of the flight. It depends on the kid and on the parent(s) but other people are not responsible for tolerating loud and boisterous behavior of children not their own.