Lie back and think of England
Happy Fourth of July, everyone!
Today’s the day we celebrate fireworks, watermelon, lake houses, beaches and backyard grilling. But it’s very easy to forget the real reason we celebrate the Fourth of July. On July 4, 1776, our country’s founding fathers put pen to paper and signed that soon-to-be-famous document, the Declaration of Independence. That document proclaimed that there was just no getting along with the British government, and that the colonists weren’t going to take it anymore. They had had enough, and were declaring their independence.
In honor of this special day when we celebrate our freedom from all things British, here’s a look at some reasons why we’re glad that American hotels aren’t like British hotels.
Our hot and cold water comes out of the same tap. The shortcomings of British plumbing never cease to amaze me, and on my very first trip to England, I was shocked when I entered the bathroom. After a long flight, all I wanted to do was wash my face with warm water. It was not meant to happen. You see, in many British bathrooms, there are separate taps for hot and cold water. Want freezing water? No problem. Like it scalding? Great. Want warm water? Too bad. You’ll have to turn on both taps, try to strike a balance with the water flow, and then find a way to swirl the two different-temperature waters together without burning or chilling your hands. Now think about having to deal with this if you’d like a bath, and the problem intensifies. And don’t even get me started on British water pressure!
You can turn around in an American hotel room. British hotel rooms (rooms all over Europe, really) are incredibly small. I’ve seen rooms that measure 100 square feet or smaller. I once checked in to a hotel and the front desk clerk explained that someone would be round to collect my bags after I’d had a chance to unpack. I thought this was odd, until I saw my room. There was space for a twin bed, a tiny nightstand and a child-size chair. That’s it. There would have been no place to store a suitcase! While many British rooms aren’t this small, space is definitely a luxury in many of the older buildings there. So if you’re the type of person who can pack for a European holiday in a carry-on bag and who thinks monks’ cells are quite roomy, then you’ll do fine. Otherwise, don’t plan on spreading out in a British hotel room!
We don’t have that “shavers only” thingy in our bathrooms. In many British bathrooms, you’ll see a funny-looking electrical outlet by the sink, and it’s probably the only outlet you’ll find in the bathroom. It often says “Shavers only” on the faceplate. That’s because it’s a pretty low-voltage outlet. Many women like to dry and style their hair in front of a mirror. Not in England! Plug a dryer or hot rollers into that bathroom outlet, and you’ll probably blow a fuse for your entire floor. I speak from experience on this one.
We have bathrooms in our hotel rooms. It can still be hard to find an “en suite” room in many traditional British inns and bed and breakfasts. While these properties are usually lovely and the personal service charming, there’s still something a bit off-putting about having to share your toilet with strangers or having to wait in line for the shower every morning. And you may have the misfortune of staying there at the same time as a bathroom hog, like me. Whenever I’ve stayed at English inns without an en suite bathroom, I’ve found myself staying in “the loo” for an inordinate amount of time. Why? Well, the bathroom was more spacious than my bedroom, and I was busy trying to draw a warm bath, of course.
You won’t find “spotted dick” or “toads in a hole” on your room service menu in America. Most people don’t consider British travel to be an exciting gastronomic experience. (I’ll say that I completely disagree, but that’s just my opinion.) For many, British room service offerings leave much to be desired. For example, your breakfast eggs will likely be very runny — even the hard-boiled eggs are runny inside. And that pot of coffee will probably be instant. Foods tend to be drowned in sauces to make up for their shortcomings. Traditional British hotel fare also tends to be pretty bland. I have a hard time enjoying the basic hamburger-and-fries room service dinner in England, because the beef over there tastes funny to me. So if you’re a finicky eater, or you just like to stick to good ol’ American fare (and portion sizes), you’ll probably need to venture away from your hotel.
Now before you send me e-mails saying I’m too hard on the British, and telling me how wonderful your stays there have been, please know this: I lived in England, worked in hotels over there and even married a Brit (who helped with this list, by the way). I’m definitely an Anglophile. Heck, I even drink instant coffee daily now because I acquired such a taste for it! Sure, there are many properties in England that can put American hotels to shame, and those Brits can teach us a thing or two about service. But in many ways, there’s just no place like home. So, this Independence Day, let’s celebrate what’s great about American hotels!
One of my upcoming columns will discuss what to look for when booking international hotels, so if you have any questions or comments about staying overseas, e-mail me.
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