The flying hypochondriac
I guess you could say I’m a hypochondriac. As a kid, I was always looking up new ailments in the library after school. Over the years, I imagined I’d contracted everything from cancer to meningitis. As I got older, I learned to laugh at this obsession. I imagined joining a 12-step program — call it Hypochondriacs Anonymous — where I would stand up and say, “Hello, my name is James and I am a hypochondriac. It has been two months since my last fatal illness, and I have not been to see a doctor in at least three days, even though I’m pretty sure I’m dying of something again.â€
Even perfectly reasonable people can be squeamish about air travel, what with SARS, bird flu, tuberculosis and smallpox all making recent airline news. I remember flying into Asia during the SARS epidemic. The flight attendants were handing out face masks — and wearing them, too — so pretty soon the 747 looked like some epidemic movie gone bad. I got to my layover hotel and actually started feeling and seeing some symptoms of the illness. Your mind has a big imagination; given free rein, it will see what it wants to see.
My minor case of hypochondria never really interfered with my life until the day I diagnosed myself — correctly — with food-borne Hepatitis A. (There is nothing worse for a hypochondriac than a self-diagnosis that turns out to be correct.) I recovered, but I started taking many more health precautions and became more aware of my surroundings. As the old saying goes, “Once bitten, twice shy.â€
I know, you’re probably thinking that my career is a poor choice for a hypochondriac. As a flight attendant, I am constantly around large groups of people, many of whom are sick, and I’m usually stuck inside a metal tube with a filtration system that basically mixes body fluids with cabin moisture. Maybe you’re right. Maybe this is the wrong job. But maybe my experiences can help you become more aware of your health when you’re flying. That would be a good thing. So here are some tips to keep in mind when flying, whether you’re a hypochondriac or not:
1. Paper towels. When you go to the restroom, grab a paper towel and use that as a glove for the duration of your stay, never directly touching anything. It’s quick, easy and hygienic.
2. Vaccines. The best way to protect against the more dreadful diseases associated with international travel is to be properly immunized. Do your research and get the shot. I wish I had.
3. Clean hands. You don’t need to shake everyone’s hand, especially during cold and flu season. But if you do, wash your hands before touching your face.
4. Antibacterial gels. You can’t always wash your hands but antibacterial gels now come in handy travel-sized bottles.
5. Listen to your body. If you pay close enough attention, you can tell when you are starting to get sick. Don’t ignore the whispered warnings. There are many products out there containing zinc that are said to prevent colds and speed along recovery — provided they are taken at the earliest sign of illness. Personally, I swear by Zicam.
6. Mind your feet. Never, never — I repeat, never! — walk around an airplane with bare feet, and don’t let your children do it either. I can’t tell you how many people I see going to the restroom with no shoes on, and God only knows what’s on that floor.
7. Watch out for water. Tap water, ice and even raw vegetables are risky when you travel abroad. Stick to bottled water and refrain from any uncooked food that comes into direct contact with water. Sorry, but this does include salads.
8. Don’t chance the cheap. If it doesn’t look like a hygienic place to eat from the front room, you can bet the kitchen situation is worse. Pay a little extra for the peace of mind. And trust me when I say: Stay away from foreign food stands.
9. Love thy neighbor. But if he looks sick and is sitting right next to you on the airplane, politely move to another seat. That move could save your vacation.
10. Don’t obsess. You don’t need gloves and a mask when you’re traveling –much less a hat to ward off solar radiation. You just need a little common sense.
No longer am I embarrassed by my health precautions. In fact, they are second nature to me now, because I never again want to go through two long months of night sweats and exhaustion as I did with Hepatitis A. I don’t consider myself a full-blown hypochondriac, but if I do die of some strange malady, I want my tombstone to read: “Ha! I told you there was something wrong with me!â€
Cruise for a Cause!
Tripso wants to take you on a cruise for a cause! See how far New Orleans and Cozumel have come since Katrina and Wilma. Join us October 26, 2006, for four nights on Carnival’s Fantasy, one of the vessels that Carnival offered for hurricane relief. Chat with your favorite Tripso columnist and contribute to a worthy Gulf Coast relief organization. Space is very limited. For more information, e-mail us or check out our cruise page.