Who’s the boss?
Today is National Boss Day, and in honor of this occasion I would like to focus on the airline boss. Personally, I think the real bosses are the passengers, because they pay our salary. Without them there would be no airline — unless, of course, you worked for FedEx or the United Parcel Service. Maybe if more airlines realized this, there would be greater customer satisfaction with the airline industry today.
But the bosses in this column are the airline CEOs. You know, the guys who are making headlines with their obscenely high salaries while their frontline employees are having their pensions stolen, paychecks cut and their work rules shredded.
The dream of meeting your CEO on a flight is one that many airline employees share. It’s usually accompanied by the popular fantasy of giving the old boy a piece of your mind. But let me tell you what actually happened on the one flight I shared with my CEO.
We had been given the word that the airline’s CEO was going to be on our flight that day, and we were to be on our best behavior. I was brand-new and scared to death of anyone in upper management. Fortunately, I was working in the economy section and would probably not see him at all.
“I wish I was working up front,” sighed Maggie, one of my co-workers on that flight. “I would give him such a piece of my mind. And if he wouldn’t talk to me, I’d spit right in his food. He is one of the main reasons that this airline is going under.”
Maggie was a fun flight attendant to work with. Her favorite saying was, “I am big, black and jolly, now leave me alone.”
Before boarding, the purser made an announcement over the public address system telling us that the CEO was known to come back and talk to the crew during the flight from time to time. If he did that, the purser said, we should be careful about what we say.
“Good, I hope he does come back,” Maggie said with vigor. “I got lots to talk to him about.”
I looked at her and smiled, but I was now afraid of her, too. As a new employee, I was on probation, and during the first six months you can be fired at the drop of a hat. You don’t have to be given a reason; you get no appeal or union representation, just “Goodbye, James, better luck at your next job”
The flight went along uneventfully. The meal service ended, the movie played on, and yet there was no visit from “Mr. Big.” I heard that he’d had a couple of rum and Cokes and passed out. I was starving, but I didn’t want to go up to first class to get a meal in case I ran into our guest. I searched the back galley for an extra meal and found a chicken entrée, but I couldn’t find any clean silverware. I closed the curtain to the galley and looked around cautiously. Maggie was busy reading a book, so I turned to the wall, grabbed the breast of chicken with my fingers, and took a huge bite. It was a bit too big, to tell you the truth, but I gulped it down anyway.
Seconds later, a hand tapped me on the shoulder. I spun around and to my great horror found myself face to face with the CEO. Instead of fainting, I took a step back, gasped and began to choke on the half chicken vibrating in my throat. I coughed and gurgled, sputtered and convulsed, as Maggie and the VIP looked on. I was able to clear my airway and mouth with one large exhale. It seemed as if in slow motion that my oversized morsel flew across the galley and landed on the CEO’s shoes.
I froze in fear; he froze in shock. The CEO then turned to Maggie for a reaction. Maggie took in the tableau with a wide-eyed grin.
“He’s said just about all that I have to say to you!” she said.
The CEO kicked the carcass off his shoes and said awkwardly, “OK, I think I’m done here.” He then turned and walked away.
Maggie turned to me with joy, gave me a huge bear hug, and rejoiced, “I couldn’t have said that better if I had tried. Thank you!”
I hid in the toilet for the rest of the flight and tried to keep the lowest of profiles for the duration of my probation. To this day, 20 years later, I am not very comfortable talking to top management. I guess you could say I get all … choked up!
But I do have a few words for people in charge:
1. Put the shoe on the other foot. Don’t just spend a day or two on the frontline with your employees observing what they go through day in and day out. Travel as a passenger from check-in to baggage claim - and not in that plush first class seat that you’re used to. Help yourself to the middle seat in the very back row of economy.
2. Make the corny gesture. Since the millions you receive in stock bonuses are likely enough to sustain your lifestyle until you are 200 years old, refuse your paycheck as a gesture of good will. Or at least explain why you think you deserve that weekly windfall.
3. Give credit where it is due. When you make an announcement about how much money you will be investing in the airline, acknowledge that the money is coming from the pay cuts, lost pensions and work-rule changes suffered by your frontline employees.
4. Deep-six the glitz. While you are in charge, avoid an ostentatious lifestyle. Also avoid the kind of obscene waste of money that gets media play, as this just fuels the fire when your employees try to make ends meet at the end of the month. Wait until after you’re gone to spend your money like an ass.
5. Remember the little guy. When you talk of mergers and acquisitions, keep your frontline employees in mind — you know, the ones who have dedicated their lives to build this airline that has brought you your millions. You can help them with such issues as seniority, equitable work rules and fair migration with the other airline.
6. Beware. Don’t rely on the government to always step in and prevent work stoppages. If and when your employees get too fed up, they will bring the airline down, regardless of any federal intervention.
7. Think about karma. While you laugh your way to the bank, you’d better hope that there is no such thing as karma, because many of your employees are counting on your comeuppance in a future existence. The rest of us are counting on you to do the right thing in this lifetime. Remember, your employees and their families depend on you for their jobs and their happiness. That’s an awesome responsibility.
These days, I am not as nervous around upper management as we have changed the executive personnel about a half-dozen times in the last several years. I would love to have a conversation with the current Mr. Big over cocktails, but considering my last chicken episode, maybe not over dinner.
Drinks, this time, will be on me!
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