Why rabbits don’t die on planes
One day my wife, who is a pilot, asked me to take a quiz that she found in a women’s magazine. A fertility quiz. She laughed at my reaction (concern) and told me not to worry, she wasn’t trying to hint at something. She was just curious.
“Why not?” I thought.
There was a separate section for men. It consisted of a series of statements, and if you strongly agreed you were awarded 3 points, for moderate agreement, 2 points, and mild disagreement counted for a single point. If f you strongly disagreed, you got zip.
1. I rarely fly more than once a month. Answer: Obviously 0 points.
2. I have a normal sleeping pattern and rarely disrupt it.
Answer: 0 points; woo hoo! 2 for 2.
3. I seldom encounter electromagnetic screening security systems like the ones found in airports. Answer: 0 points. Can you see where this is going?
4. I always eat a well-balanced diet with basically the same daily eating times. Answer? You got it, 0 points.
This was getting a bit ridiculous; I had to get a point sooner or later.
5. Computer screens are not a part of your daily routine.
Answer: 0 points.
6. I have never had a sexually transmitted disease.
Answer: 3 points. There we go, I was on a roll.
7. Alcohol consumption doesn’t take place more than 2 times a week.
Answer: 0 points. Oh man, that wasn’t fair.
8. Travel is not a major part of my job. Answer: 0 points. This had to be some kind of joke.
My grand total, out of a possible 30 points, was 3 measly points. I was afraid to turn the page for my result.
In a nutshell, it said, “In the unlikely event that my sperm were still alive, hopefully there are wheelchairs down there to get them to the egg meeting in time. Look at the bright side; it just means that it will probably take more meetings, wink wink.”
Well, that was fun.
My wife got five out of thirty, beating me only because of some menstrual cycle question. We laughed it off, thanking the fact that we weren’t trying to have kids at the time.
Several trips later it was becoming very clear to me that an unusual number of my airline friends and co-workers were having problems conceiving. Out of ten airline couple friends, two had children, one didn’t want children, two were waiting (of which we were one), and five were having problems.
Two of those five were currently undergoing fertility treatment and I.V.F. (Invitro-fertilization). If my math is correct, that is a remarkable 50 percent who were having conception difficulties. Now on every trip I hear of some crewmember going through some kind of fertility treatment. I know that in the real world, 15 percent of couples can expect to experience difficulties conceiving. But in the airline world, it seems to be quite a bit higher.
It got me to thinking about my own fertility, and the quiz that I had previously laughed off. So on a layover in some remote city, I secretly went off and spent $180 to submit a personal specimen (because, of course, such tests aren’t covered by our company’s insurance policy).
I called up a week later to find out my less than optimal results. This meant, you got it, “my fishies were poor swimmers, and would probably have trouble linking up with that egg. He went on to say, “Look on the bright side.”Â
You know the rest.
Well I have good news to report — an exclusive, if you will. I have recently been informed that I am going to be a father. It did take a bit more work and timing than I was expecting, but I am tickled pink nonetheless.
So to all of my flying colleagues and you frequent fliers out there having similar difficulties, this is just to tell you that you are not alone. You might be pushing that stroller yet.