In her 30 years in the travel business, Susan Fox of Fox Safaris has been collecting stories — stories of tourists that do incredibly stupid things. “I’ve developed this internal, sort of underground publication for the enjoyment of frazzled coworkers,” she says.
She calls it the Tourist of The Year award.
Here’s the list. Names have been obscured to “protect the stupid,” she says. (Note: “Pax” is an industry term for passenger.)
The Centers for Disease Control Award to Mrs. Pax who felt ill several weeks after her visit to Russia and wonders if we can tell her what disease it is so she can go see her doctor.
The Check Your Clothes Dryer Vent Award to Mr. Pax who unpacked after his cruise, laundered all his clothes and weeks later found one sock missing. He wondered if we could check the ship to see if it was found.
The I Never Trusted Him Award to Mrs. Pax who wanted us to check the ship cameras to see if her husband entered another woman’s cabin.
The Total Abdication of Responsibility for One’s Own Actions Award to Mr. Pax who is furious with us because we allowed his wife to drink so much during the onboard vodka tasting that she couldn’t walk straight and was hung over the entire next day. We later received a second, even more furious, letter from said pax elaborating on the fact that his father-in-law, who was on the trip with them, also was seriously ill with a hangover.
The Terrorists at Guantanamo Have it Better Award to Mr. Pax who said that Sadam Hussein’s cell was larger than his cabin.
The Some People Should Not Be Issued a Passport Award to Mr. Pax who is irate because he was told his gateway airport is Kennedy, but all of his documents say JFK.
Ebenezer Scrooge Award to Mr. Pax who advises that, under no circumstances, will he be tipping anyone.
The Complete Lack of Patience Award to Mrs. Pax who says 45 slow old people on a trip is too many. “They stand around in the bus aisle and don’t move out of the way for me.”
The Unclear On the Concept Award to Mrs. Pax who asked if taking a picture of herself counted as a photo ID.
The Should This Pax Be Issued a Passport? Award to Mr. Pax who wonders why he needs a visa for Russia when he already has a MasterCard.
The Ugly American Award to Mr. Pax who wanted assurance that he would not be traveling with any China person with his ducks, chickens and pigs on the intra-China flights.
The If It Can Happen to the Titanic Award… to Mrs. Pax who had constant panic attacks because she felt the river could rise enough to come in her cabin window, drown her and sink the ship.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
This should get the “Story of the Year” award. Unfortunately, I’ve seen these people.
“Lavatory Award”
Mr passenger pulls off the ashtray on the lavatory door and wonders why it didnt open the door award. =)
Thank you… best laugh I’ve had all day.